"Now Behold the Lamb" is one of my favorite gospel songs. What most people don't realize is that it comes from a passage of scripture where people are actually looking for a lion. Imagine hearing God say a lion is what you need only to look and see a lamb. Not just a lamb but one that looks slain. No one explains anything or seems surprised. But I have to admit, if it was me, I would have at least wondered if I heard wrong. God, did you really say lion? Those "L" names can be confusing. Did the wrong person show up? I'll confess that this is the fault in my faith. I know me. I would have been like Sara who laughed after hearing she would be pregnant in her 90's. I would have been like Gideon who asked God for just one more sign. Basically, I know I've given angels several occasions to wonder about my trust in God. Sorry, but at least it gives them some interesting conversations at my expense.
Sometimes I'm the person who doesn't understand what they see. I hear what God says but when I behold with my eyes, what doesn't line up, I have more questions than assurances. This often means that God's promises don't survive past my next glance in the mirror. Life has a way of making things seem so far from what I expect, so different than what I imagined, and with obstacles that seem insurmountable.
Sometimes I'm the person God is pointing to and saying "behold" to disappointed viewers. I realize I am present in a world that when it hears my identity, purpose, and attributes, it doesn't look for someone who looks like me. There are those who have wondered, sometimes to my face, if God has taken into account all of my weaknesses and failures. Given titles such as minister that haven't accounted for my quietness, titles such as courageous that haven't accounted for fear, and titles that fill up space that feel larger than my stature.
Either way, when I get lost in the disconnect between hearing and looking, I remind myself that my trust in God must stem from the truth that when God makes a decision, there is no consideration that was missed. God has considered every possibility, time period, person, outcome, and circumstance. I know I serve a God who considers aspects I can't even fathom. This lets me know that I don't have to worry about what it looks like. God knows what He's doing. I'm learning to lean into what I hear and to realize the deficiency between what I hear and what I see is made up by God. It's a work in progress but every miracle makes the next one a little easier to believe for.
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